Archive | April 2012

Would I marry again?

It’s a question that I have been asking myself for awhile now.  Most of you don’t realize that I have been married twice, the second one ended badly.  I promised myself that I wouldn’t get that close top anyone again. Here I am, though, in love with the perfect man.  So the question has been flopping around in my brain.

I have weighed everything carefully,  and I have come up with this.  If he ever asks me,  I will say yes I love him that much.  I am not in a hurry, however I don’t want to rush what we have. He still needs to meet my step son and grands. Family is everything to me, I know my son will like him but still I would like my son to approve.  I need to move closer to him for sure,  right now we spend very little time together because we are an hour away from one another.  I am trying to take care of that as I am writing this.

So there you have it,  yes I would get married again to the one man that has shown me love, kindness, tenderness, not to be ashamed of my brain power, and most of all that’s its OK to love him back.  I can’t wait to see where our journey goes


A letter to my love.

These are my true feelings, I am not so good at spoken word I tend to mix my words up so they don’t come out right.  I just wanted you to know that I thank God everyday that he allowed me to meet you a year ago.  The friendship that we have had has been amazing,  the times we have spent talking has definitely strengthened our bond.  We can talk about anything, and that is what I like the most.  You massage my intellectual side like no one has ever done.  I can be me around you without fear of being labled a geek. 

I have grown to love you in so many ways.  Your intellectual side feeds my need for good conversation.  Your cuddly side feed my need to be held,  and your sexual side well making love to you is like touching the doors to heaven itself.  Just one touch, or one smile makes me feel safe and loved.  I want to thank you for that, you are a very special man and will always have a place in my heart. 

To find love with someone as special as you has made a difference in my world.  The days are brighter, the birds singing is more beautiful,  and the world seems a better place.  I truly hope this lasts forever.  I hope you know that I think you are my port in the storm and I never want to set sail.  Whatever I have is yours, completely and honestly yours.  I hope you don’t think me crazy for this but I knew you were special on that first date. I am glad you allowed me to find out how special. 

I make this promise to you,  wherever this may go I will love and support you in any and all endeavors.  I want to be the woman that you need by your side, through good times and bad.  I want to return the kindness and love that you have shown me.  I truly am a lucky girl that God has sent an angel such as you. 
With unconditional love

I will never do that again

I have epilepsy,  for those that don’t know what it is it means I have seizures.  There is a plethora of types of seizures,  but I have 3 types. I have Grand Mal, Petite Mal,  and Jacksonian seizures. Grand male are when the whole body shakes uncontrollably, the person is unconscious and chances are they could bite their tongue, which I have done numerous times. Petite Mal seizures are when a person zones out for a few minutes then comes back like nothing happened. Jacksonians are the worst, I think it is where the person is awake and can feel the electricity bounce around in their head. One part or one half of the body is shaking uncontrollably,  this hurts beyond anyone’s comprehension.  Its really like hell on earth when I have one of these.

Anyway, now that you know the types I will tell what I will never do again.  I have been having a lot of petite male lately,  so I decided to try my seizure meds again. I take Neurontin for them, I stopped taking it before because it made me a zombie. I wasn’t able to think at all and for an intellectual that is the worst.  Well I am back to that after one dose.  My brain is fuzzy and it is hard for me even to write this.  So I will not take them any more,  I will deal with them the way I have been, through meditation and deep breathing exercises to get rid of stress.  Which by the way is the biggest trigger for stress.  I will not live like this not being able to think sucks. 

Anyway, I have to apologize for the post I know there might be some grammar mistakes.  I just have to let this get back out of my system.

Something changing in my life

I have various tattoos on my body, but there is one that really needs covered up.  Well there is more then one that needs covered, but the one in question really needs it.  I have my ex husbands name on my left bicep, before I hear any jeers about it just know that I was with the man 15 years.

Anyways,  I have decided to cover it up.  There is a few people that say to leave it, it will remind you of what you went through. The thing is,  I think that to cover it up would mean that I have finally moved completely on. I do this in honor of my new wonderful boyfriend, who I love very much.

I was almost completely healed when we started seeing each other again. With his help though, I was able to unpack all of the baggage I had left over and get rid of the clutter.  He gave me the courage to do this, just by his gentle spurring on. So without further ado this is what I am changing it too.


I am sooooo happy

After all the doubts,  after all the thoughts, after fighting with myself it has happened and I couldn’t be happier.  He has made me his girl, and I have to say that it is a dream come true.  How could I have gotten so lucky and so blessed to have such a wonderful and perfect man look my way.  How could I have gotten such a honest, forthright man to say he loved me.  I keep thinking that this is a dream,  I am in awe and I keep pinching myself to see if its real.  The pinches hurt so yeah this is real.

I just want to shout it from the highest mountain that I love him.  There is nothing that I wont do for him, he is my equal in all aspects.  He compliments and completes me,  I love this feeling.  There is no other feeling like it in the world,  I LOVE YOU GTA AND I WILL ALWAYS THANK GOD HE BROUGHT US TOGETHER.  Onwards and upwards my dear until we touch the sky.

I am afraid

I really want to give him all of me, I mean every little part of me.  The problem is I am afraid of getting hurt,  can I handle it if I did?  He is such a wonderful, caring, sweet man but even though I know this I am still afraid.  I wish I could just let myself go just for a moment.  I know that I want to love and be loved, shouldn’t that be enough?

Why did I even get up this mornin

Well its Friday the 13th and its striking back with a vengeance.  Today I have cleaned my house, cleaned my birds cages, and have had three seizures. I hate seizures I really do, they take time away from my day.  Meaning, with these seizures I lose time when I come back from one I am so tired that all I want to do is crawl back in bed.  I know why I am having them, stress is getting to me.

The stress that I have right now is enormous, I always worry about bills and such but now add on getting the outside cleaned up and other state related stuff and its too much.  I tried working for my landlord but have had to quit, reason being is that again it is adding something more on my plate that my disability wont tolerate.  I long for the days that I didn’t have this disability.  I used to be able to take care of so much,  now I have to bow down to it.  When my epilepsy says stop I stop, no questions asked I just stop.

Well I guess I should thank my lucky stars that God woke me up this morning. Not everybody was given that blessing.  Well anyways this was my break time to get up and get outside to take care of some of the city junk.