Archive | June 2012

Out of the Ashes


I had been burned, 

the sheer pain of being spurned.

I had no idea that you would ever leave

the total agony of it brought me to my knees.

Just when I thought it was so dark and so grey,

someone else looked my way.

He lent his hand,

and helped me stand.

He brought the light,

in the darkest of the night.

He showed me love, 

that was brought from above.

With all truths and no lies,

so out of the ashes I rise.


For my boyfriend, thank you for loving me the way you do.


My Heart is Soaring above the clouds

I just talked to my Aunt that I haven’t talked to in over 20 years, with the passing of the days my life gets fuller.  I can’t believe things have come full circle, I feel as if I have won the lottery.  We talked about life, about what has happened, about why I wasn’t around, about how I was exactly like her in every way.  I told her the worst of things that I have been through, she said if she would’ve known she would have come and gotten me and had taken me back to California with her.  She loves me, she doesn’t hate who I date, she wants me to be happy.  She even wants me and my boyfriend to come visit her. I am crying happy tears right now, my prayers have been answered.  I have fallen on my knees and thanked the lord above for bringing me mercy.  

I HAVE MY FAMILY BACK!!!! My heart is bursting with joy and the pain is gone.  Unfortunately I had to let go of my own flesh and blood sister because of this.  All these years she has told me lies about how they don’t like me dating black men.  She never even told them that I was alive and well, in fact she never told them anything other than she hadn’t talked to me.  It was a lie she had talked to me a lot, she has known where I was all the time.  Sister there will be a special place in hell for you for keeping me without family.  You will need me one day, and it’s way too late now.  I will NEVER be able to forgive you for the hell that you have put me through.  It’s all over now, I am healed and I am loved.  There is no more loneliness of being out here on my own.  I have found love with a wonderful, sweet, kind, man and I have my family back.  Thank you Lord Jesus I am complete.

Reaching out to Family

Today I was reading a post made by my full blooded sister about her daughter wearing bikinis at camp.  Her daughter, who I love completely, is a mini me  she looks like me , acts like me , even has my attitude.  While reading the post I realized my aunt on my moms side made a comment also.  I haven’t talked to anyone from that side in so many years.  I was surprised and stunned that she might be on FB at all.  


Well the thing is, I have never gotten along with that side of the family to well.  I still sent a friends request, but I am not holding my breath for her to approve it.  I am the black sheep of the family, I date outside my race something that is totally looked down upon.  I know that if I was to actually hope I could talk to her it might make me feel better.  The thing is I don’t want to set myself up for heartbreak, I have been on my own so long until just recently.  With the insertion of my boyfriend in my life, I am no longer on my own.  Still could I really hope that my own flesh and blood will put aside the fact that I love a black man.  I can only hope and wonder, maybe just maybe I will be able to have some family again.