Archive | July 2012

Why must I

Why must I trust, when I know sooner or later it will be broken.  Why must I care, when no one cares for me.  Why must I try, when no one else tries.  Why must I give, when no one else gives back and only takes.  Why must I hurt, when everyone around me is happy.  Why must I miss people, when no one misses me.  Why must I be lonely, when everyone else has someone who puts forth effort to make them not lonely.  Why must I be heartbroken, scared of change, scared to love, scared to move forward, scared to be alone, and to love someone completely.

All these have gone through my head in my darkest of days, there were never any answers.  Until I found  the one person that showed me the answers.  Just when I thought I wouldn’t get out of that hole, an angel reached down and lent me his hand to come into the light.  He showed me love, he showed me trust, he showed me not to be scared of anything, and he showed me that in order to move forward I must let the past die.  Believe me, I still have times that the scared little girl that was in that dark hole tries to appear.  She tries to get me to second guess our love, our union, and the very fact that god planned for us to meet.  

Today is one of those days, she is pulling at my coat tails to come back down the hole.  The light is not where I am supposed to be, and my angel is not who he says he is.  I will not second guess my love for him, I will not second guess my trust for him, and I WILL NOT climb back down that hole away from the light.  I will remain here engulfed in his love, and surround myself with positive thoughts.  I will remain going forward, with him, and not give up.  I will not look back, I have already been there my steps will move forward.

Why am I saying all this, I just found out that the man who took my childhood from me has gotten out of prison.  He got out because he is dying, so all my efforts were in vain.  I pray to our father that I will never have to see him, because I know that scared little girl will make me wither.  I will remain fighting to stand on my own two feet and not let my past break me.