Archive | August 2012

The Sins of Man

I have been in the Avian community as a rescuer, rehabilitation consultant, and lover of Parrots for a few years now.  I have see some of the worst cases of abuse and neglect of our feather friends, that sometimes I have a hard time wiping it out of my memory.

I have always love animals for as long as I can remember, Parrots are my passion , but I feel for all animals.  Just recently I have noticed a trend that is really starting to scare me.  Police shooting pit bulls even if they are just standing there doing nothing.  There was a report of an older pit bull , limping around her masters house and she even wagged her tail at the police officer.  They gunned her down in cold blood.  Two weeks ago, a pit bull named star was shot in the head by a police officer in NYC, for protecting her master that was having a seizure on the ground.

They were too worried about the dog after they shot star, that they left the man lay on the ground without medical attention.  I made the mistake of watching it on youtube, tears were flowing for star.  As she lay on the ground writhing in pain and screaming, her unconscious owner laid a few feet away from her.  What really shocks me is that she came running from her masters side and was right in front of him when they shot her.  Really, guys, what if you missed you would’ve hit a man that was already down on the ground and unconscious.

You know they say the most horrific murders in the world, started out killing animals and  graduated from there.  So as I see it, police have become the next murderers.  They have no feeling for killing an animal, what’s next , humans because they protect their family?  We need to have respect for all gods creatures on this earth, without them our own part of earth is off kilter.  Get a grip people, quit killing just to kill.

My little slice of Heaven

As I sit here writing this, I am listening to my sweetheart sleep.  Every once and awhile I look over at him and realize just how blessed I am.  This man is amazing, he is all I have ever wanted and needed.  He is God fearing, sweet, kind, gentle, loving, playful, and yes great in the bedroom.  I couldn’t have asked for a better man, it amazes me how much my love for him has grown into epic proportions.

There is a saying that I have ran across a couple of times, it says “God has seen your suffering and he sends to  you an angel to ease your pain.”  It can’t be any more true then it is right now.  Before I met my sweet Alphie, I got on my knees and prayed for mercy from the pain I was going through.  He answered my prayers, with Alphie.  God doesn’t give you what you need right away but he always gives you your blessings on time.  Believe me this was a huge blessing, and I thank god everyday that he brought Alphie into my life.

He is my best friend, my lover, and my confidante all rolled into one.  I love him unconditionally, and that isn’t about to stop anytime soon.  I can’t wait to see what our life brings us, I am sure that it will be lots of love and adventure. I will always look back, and say thank you for loving me, and my faith is stronger then ever.

Finally the end of an era- He finally gets it

No tears what so ever, just a final goodbye. I felt sorry for him actually, he’s a bruised and broken shell of the man that I once knew. I am talking about my ex-husband, he showed up out of the blue again, asking for another chance to be with me. He wanted to start over and make things right, but there is no way that I can do that. I no longer love him, that is over with, has been for awhile.

At first he tried everything he could to win my heart back. My heart is no longer mine I gave it to Alphie. He brought up old times that we had, then he tried to make me remember the last time we broke up before the final break up. I gave him a promise then, one that I kept up until he left and divorced me. That promise was simply, I promised to love him no matter what. I told him he was right I did say that, and a part of me still loves him, but I am in love with Alphie. What ever promises that were promised, are null and void. I reminded him that he walked away and divorced me, he didn’t keep up with his promises.

I reminded him of his ultimate betrayal in my trust, fucking and then marrying my best friend. Or I should say ex best friend, that was a double blow. I told him, that even if I wasn’t in love and with Alphie, that there would be no way for me to trust him again. Without trust, there is nothing left period. The bonds we had are broken, he smashed them to bits, and there is no way I am going to fix them.

He hung his head,shed a few tears, admitted he messed up the one true love he has ever known, and admitted defeat. He wished Alphie and I well for our future and walked away, finally understanding that it is over for good. There is no fixing what is broken because the pieces have been swept up and thrown away. I have to admit, it did hurt to see the man that I once loved completely, defeated and broken.

The only thing is, I tried to fix it at one time, but time for fixing is long gone. My life is full, my heart mended, and faith restored because of one man. That man showed me that I can trust completely, I can love without boundries, and that a mans word is true. Alphie has shown me the world, and in his world is where I stay. I watched him walk away, and instead of a ex love, I have a new friend.

Overthinking

I am a master at overthinking stuff, the problem with over thinking is that it brings about a lot of negative thoughts.  Negative is not a good thing, they don’t belong anywhere near you and they will bring down things you are trying to build.  If you give into negative you will get negative back, that is just common sense.

Case in point, I love my sweetheart with all my heart there is no denying it.  Unfortunately, some things that I start to think about bring in the positives and the negatives.  It’s the negatives that like to stay there and taunt me.  I am moving next month, by gods grace, to be closer to him.  The thing is, I keep thinking what if I don’t get the apartment and then I run out of time.  I said I wanted to be there by the time his birthday came around, well I have less then 30 days now.

Also I keep thinking, what if I don’t have all the money to move then what will I do?  See these are all bad thoughts, and of course  me being an over thinker, these things stay with me during the day and I keep thinking about them.  Both of these subjects have come up in my thoughts this morning, and of course, I am still thinking about them.  I worry him when I think like this, even though he shouldn’t be.

I guess I need to learn to just let go and let god work it out for me.  That is always the best thing to do, and I know that things will work out.  I just always want a back up plan in the works so nothing goes wrong.  Sometimes back up plans just don’t work, so I try to get another back up plan to back up the back up.  Plan A,B, and C if you will, and if I don’t have them sometimes I start freaking out.  Like right now, I don’t have a B and C and my orderly world is not so in order.

I think part of it is the fact that, I am making a huge step and I’m a little scared.  Because of that, I have the what ifs going through my brain.  What if I fail or do something wrong?  What if we don’t make it, I am in a place where I know no one or no support network?  Need to thank my dad for that one, he pointed that out yesterday.  He approves of my boyfriend, he is just letting his own fears be known.  Which tends to lend fears to the ones that I already have, then leads to me overthinking.

I am just going to let the chips fall where they may, I know things will work out I just have to have a little faith.