Archive | October 2012

Looking back on another year of life

I haven’t been here in awhile, I guess it’s because this is basically a place for my thoughts that no one pretty much cares about.  I can blog here for myself, my own journal to look inside the messed up person that lives inside me.  I have lived through child sexual abuse, two failed marriages  one that I made fail and one that failed with no help from me.  I have also lived through mental, sexual, and verbal abuse from my second marriage and a brush with death itself thanks to not being smart enough to stop and smell the roses.

I am so afraid of messing stuff up now because of fears, and I can’t afford to do that.  I trust George with my life, and I let my fears over a certain topic run free instead of realizing that all I had to do was let my trust guide me.  Why couldn’t I just do that, why did I let my fears run amok.   I feel that by not trusting and quelling my fears I seriously messed up.  I feel I hurt his feelings by not using that trust, and that is one thing that I never ever wanted to do.  By hurting him, I hurt myself  and he was right it was the principle of things.  Now I have to fix my mistake and make it right.

I love him with all my heart, mind, body, and soul I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.  I seriously have never felt happiness like this and I want to stay this way for years to come. In the last 7 of the 12 months he has been there as my love, before that we were best friends.  Now I have him both as my best friend and the love of my life, how wouldn’t anybody be happy at that.

Last November I was trying to find myself, this November I have found myself and I am happy with what the year has brought me.  So here’s to many more years of happiness and love with the one and only man that has ever made me happy and content.

The state of the state

I live in Michigan, this state used to fourish until the car companies moved out. Now there are so many people that need help and there is not enough money to do this. I ran across one of my friends on faceplace, that is a fellow Michigander, who is dire straights right now. She was saying how bad it was over on the west side of the state, where parts used to be made for cars. Here is her post:

I cannot get over how many people, ranging from 20yrs old to 60’s some yrs old, that have been to DHS-Welfare, where I go and to see and hear them Pleading For Help because They are Homeless!!! Some were Single, some were Married and hearing them crying out for help from their Caseworker/State of Michigan…made me really stop and realize so much and got me to thinking on Our FUCKED UP Government 

One woman, raised her voice at the receptionist “I filled out all paperwork 2 weeks ago, I have no cell phone, no money, no food and no clothes, no car and I am living on the streets near the Holland Rescue Mission because they ARE FULL!!!” Apparently, the Supervisor heard her and came to the window, said “Lower your voice before your kicked out of here and refused on everything”! ~Shakes my head~ I won’t mention on everyone there, but just speaking about her and she got no help, stormed out of there crying! Things like this goes to my heart, makes me cry, upset, angry and I so wish I could of helped each one by letting them stay with me right now, least they be warm, food/drinks, shower, etc. Even though I am going through my own hardships and is facing being evicted from here starting tomorrow they will enter the eviction papers into court at 5pm on the 19th of October. I do got a couple of places I might be able to get into, but need help on doing it and asked my kids for the help, just got to wait and see now.

Have you ever been Homeless? I have few times, it don’t feel good at all!

This is truly the state of affairs here, there’s no help here for anyone unless you are disabled or have children. Then again, the state has cut off welfare to some because they were 4th and 5th generation recipients. There are good people here that need jobs and there are none. The rescue mission, at one time nearly empty, are full to capacity and it is coming up on winter.

It breaks my heart to see my fellow Michiganders in so much trouble. There doesn’t seem to be an end to it anytime soon either, because the state put too much stock in the car companies and didn’t have a backup plan. Anyone that had money left just as the car companies pulled out. It is the rest of the masses that are struggling, and there is no jobs, no money, and no help. That is the state of the state that I love and grew up in, and it’s heartbreaking.