Archive | February 2013

Dealing with Debilitating Depression


noun \di-ˈpre-shən, dē-\

Definition of DEPRESSION

: an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: as

a : a pressing down : lowering

(1) : a state of feeling sad : dejection (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies

(1) : a reduction in activity, amount, quality, or force (2) :a lowering of vitality or functional activity

: a depressed place or part : hollow
Millions of Americans suffer from debilitating depression, no matter what their lifestyle is.  I am one of the millions, and I’m here to tell you that this really does hurt, as the commercial said.  The not wanting to get out of bed for days because you don’t see the point, the constant crying over how hopeless things are,  the not eating , sleeping, or even showering.  This disease hurts more then anything.   I know that you are thinking “Wow  your life is going good right now.” , when you suffer from depression it doesn’t matter all it takes is one set back and you are back in that hole again.
I know that I have a wonderful fiance and that life is good, but the chemicals in my brain are messed up.  Whether people know it or not, that is the major cause of depression, and it takes meds to regulate the chemicals.  I take my meds religiously every morning with my coffee, I don’t dare not too.  See I suffer from Bi Polar disorder,  I have really high highs and really low lows.  Sometimes my lows are violent, and I seriously hate everything and everyone.  I would rather not go there again, I even hate myself, which I know you might think is bad.
I never suffered from any of this until they cracked my head open so man times, when they did it caused the imbalance in my head.   Now I am doomed to suffer from this the rest of my life.  I wish that I could go back and change things, tell my past self to go to the dang doctor before this all happened, then maybe I wouldn’t suffer so much.  Since there is no way of doing that, I guess I will take the knocks as they come and try my hardest to pull myself up by the bootstraps.  For right now,  I am going to curl up next to my fiance and go back to sleep and hopefully I can wake up to a better day.