Archive | March 2013

Relationships and Family Drama

We all have family drama in one form or another, but when we get stressed because of it do we confide in our significant other?  How much strain could that put on a new relationship?  For me, whatever makes my sweetheart sad, angry, hurt, or depressed I would like to know about.  I want to be their confidante, the shoulder that they need to cry on.  This last weekend, my boyfriend CeCe went to go get his daughter, now mind you he lives all the way on the Michigan lake shore and he has to drive three hours to go get her.  The drama started with his ex wife as soon as he got there, and he ended up leaving without his daughter.  I didn’t hear from him until he got home, when I did I listened to him and was his shoulder to cry on.  Even though I am 2 hours away from him,  he had a sounding board for his pain, anger and turmoil   He thanked me for being his outlet, he has never had any woman do that for him and he said that he loved me more for it.

How much family drama is too much?  How far will you go to listen to your mate, about their family, until you say enough and you don’t want to hear it?  Being in an “unconditional” relationship means that you are there for them no matter what.  You love and support them during times of trouble or strife no matter what that might be.  It’s seems sad to me that this concept is lost to most people in this day and age.  Everything is about instant gratification and not about being a supporter in a relationship these days.  This is why divorce rates are so high, if things get too rough it is better to walk on then talk things out.  To me this is very sad, when I was growing up it was nothing to hear that a couple had been together 30, 40, or 50 years.  The longest I have heard a couple being together in this day and age has been between 10 and 20, divorce has been so much easier to obtain then dealing with the problems.  Relationships are also a lost concept, yes there are a few that get into them but it is so much easier to walk away,  instead of trying to build something lasting.

These days,  the internet has afforded us a way to date more people then ever.  If a person wants to cheat, that is easy also just go on a sex site and find someone who will help you cheat.   The thought of building a strong foundation for a relationship is generally not an issue anymore since being with someone for a night or week is so much easier to obtain.  We need to get back to the basics in relationships, we need to remember what the generations before us have done, instead of looking at the fast easy way that today affords.  Maybe then relationships will last longer.  So my thought about how much family drama is too much, it is unlimited.  I am there to be a best friend and confidante to my mate no matter what, I live by the old ways in that aspect.  If everyone thought that way, this world might be a whole lot happier.

The best discussion I have ever had with my boyfriend.

Last night, my boyfriend and I were talking about change.  The best thing I have ever heard was during our conversation he said, “I never want to change you, you are beautiful the way you are but if you want to change in some way it is best to change for the better and I support you.”  For so many years I stayed the same, I was more comfortable being a tomboy and wear jeans then being a lady and wear dresses.  As much as I dislike my ex boyfriend, he showed me that being a lady is a good change.  With him I felt beautiful and desirable for the first time in my life.  I didn’t have to be tough, I was afforded to be soft with him and for that I will be eternally grateful.  I have taken the change from that relationship into the new one, which the new boyfriend is happy with.

Why are we so afraid to change, even if it is for the better?  It is because we step outside our comfort zone, we move in another direction and that can be truly scary.  Whether it be a new job, or a new way of dressing and doing things we are afraid to do anything different.  We actually have to make ourselves try new things at times, and in some cases, what we try will make our life more fulfilling.  So go ahead change your appearance, try new food, try travelling, start that new job, expand your horizons I myself know that in the end we will be happier.  We must love ourselves enough to expand ourselves, so don’t be afraid to change for the better.  You will be better, and life will be more fulfilling instead of being stuck in the same rut.

 

How many excuses do we give ourselves?

How many excuses do we give ourselves so we don’t care or fall in love with someone?  I have even lied to myself before, but why do we have to make these excuses?   Some of these excuses are:

1.  I have been hurt too many times

2.  I have trust issues

3.  I don’t have time

4.  I’m not ready to love

With all these excuses, we stop ourselves from being truly happy.  Everyone has doubts at times, but all we have to do is open ourselves to some special people that show us that they are there for us.  We have to forget our past and move on, what one person did to us another one might not.  If  we don’t open our hearts and give love a chance,  we might wish that we had opened our hearts because that person was the one that would make us happy.  The worst excuse I have ever heard from anyone was, all men/women are the same.  That is so far from the truth,  not everyone is the same we are all individuals.  If we feel that way, we must change who we associate with or open ourselves to.  We might be attracted to a certain type of person, but if that type of person has us feeling like everyone is the same then we must change and go outside our comfort zone.

In order to be happy and to fall in love,  we must forget the past and open ourselves to new opportunities.  We need to stop lying to ourselves or make excuses for ourselves not to fall in love.  Everyone’s biggest fear is to be alone, no matter what we tell ourselves we don’t want to not make a connection with someone.  We want to feel a connection on any level, whether it be friendship or sexual.  The thing is,  when things start getting deeper we will start making our excuses to back out.  Live, love, and laugh open yourself to new possibilities you never know the next person might be the greatest love of your life.