I haven’t been here in awhile, I guess it’s because this is basically a place for my thoughts that no one pretty much cares about. I can blog here for myself, my own journal to look inside the messed up person that lives inside me. I have lived through child sexual abuse, two failed marriages one that I made fail and one that failed with no help from me. I have also lived through mental, sexual, and verbal abuse from my second marriage and a brush with death itself thanks to not being smart enough to stop and smell the roses.
I am so afraid of messing stuff up now because of fears, and I can’t afford to do that. I trust George with my life, and I let my fears over a certain topic run free instead of realizing that all I had to do was let my trust guide me. Why couldn’t I just do that, why did I let my fears run amok. I feel that by not trusting and quelling my fears I seriously messed up. I feel I hurt his feelings by not using that trust, and that is one thing that I never ever wanted to do. By hurting him, I hurt myself and he was right it was the principle of things. Now I have to fix my mistake and make it right.
I love him with all my heart, mind, body, and soul I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I seriously have never felt happiness like this and I want to stay this way for years to come. In the last 7 of the 12 months he has been there as my love, before that we were best friends. Now I have him both as my best friend and the love of my life, how wouldn’t anybody be happy at that.
Last November I was trying to find myself, this November I have found myself and I am happy with what the year has brought me. So here’s to many more years of happiness and love with the one and only man that has ever made me happy and content.